For those who have missed it, the end of the world is nigh.
This year God has planned the rapture for May 21.
The rapture is something that will happen before hand. Jesus will come back, those who will be saved will be lifted up from the Earth, and those who won’t be saved will be left to be tortured until we (yes, I think I will be one of them) beg for death.
Because God loves us.
I looked into my diary and noticed I have made an appointment to go riding with my friends and our horses on the 22nd. How silly of me! Of course we will be there but surely our horses will be lifted off the Earth, cute, innocent and adorable creatures that they are.
So I propose a barbecue. I suppose what with all the fire and brimstone we can expect a barbecue should be a sure success. And yes, there will be pork meat, but if you are Muslim and you can go to my barbecue you already know you are not among the chosen ones so can have as much pork as you like.
Here’s a good site to check out all the details of the upcoming slaughter. I wasn’t quite sure weather they were being funny or if they really meant it. I often get it wrong. However, it seems they really mean it and it will provide you with all the important details.
I think I will be starting a countdown until next week.
You are all welcome on the 22nd!
As this picture proves you will have to be white, Christian, and I strongly suggest you visit the hairdresser on Friday, to qualify for ascending to heaven. The angels are also white and have really neat hairdos. It seems very important to be married, and to have two or more children.