For those who have missed it, the end of the world is nigh.
Again.
This year God has planned the rapture for May 21.
The rapture is something that will happen before hand. Jesus will come back, those who will be saved will be lifted up from the Earth, and those who won’t be saved will be left to be tortured until we (yes, I think I will be one of them) beg for death.
Because God loves us.
I looked into my diary and noticed I have made an appointment to go riding with my friends and our horses on the 22nd. How silly of me! Of course we will be there but surely our horses will be lifted off the Earth, cute, innocent and adorable creatures that they are.
So I propose a barbecue. I suppose what with all the fire and brimstone we can expect a barbecue should be a sure success. And yes, there will be pork meat, but if you are Muslim and you can go to my barbecue you already know you are not among the chosen ones so can have as much pork as you like.
Here’s a good site to check out all the details of the upcoming slaughter. I wasn’t quite sure weather they were being funny or if they really meant it. I often get it wrong. However, it seems they really mean it and it will provide you with all the important details.
I think I will be starting a countdown until next week.
You are all welcome on the 22nd!
As this picture proves you will have to be white, Christian, and I strongly suggest you visit the hairdresser on Friday, to qualify for ascending to heaven. The angels are also white and have really neat hairdos. It seems very important to be married, and to have two or more children.
Clouddragon 
Ah, yes. The rapture. A famous event, yet not once mentioned specifically in the Bible. Is it in the Quran? I always have to chuckle when I see such predictions, as they are made by those who are undeniably confused. You see, Christ himself clearly stated that no man knows the time of the end, not even Himself, but only God (see Mark 13:32). As this is the case, those who claim to know when the second coming will occur only prove themselves ignorant of scripture, nothing more. Your horse ride, I’m sure, will be nice!
Two other things, while we’re on the subject, to consider. The Bible speaks of a second coming, which will usher in the millennial reign of Christ and the banishment of Satan (see Revelation 20). As Christ has been here once, and there is such a thing as the rapture, would that not necessitate a THIRD coming, in order to fulfill the prophecy of Revelation? Hmmmm. Something to think about.
And lastly, all angels mentioned in the Bible were young men. Nowhere in the Bible are female angels spoken of. (Are there female angels in the Quran? I would think not!) As such, the picture you included with this post is in error – although I’m certain the artist had good intent. In fact, Jesus Himself taught that those resurrected would be equal to the angels (see Luke 20) – and the angels are spirit beings, not flesh and blood. Paul goes a step further in Galatians 3, to say “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus.” I believe this to be true, as I also believe God doesn’t judge based on silly things, such as race or gender, but only on the heart of the individual. The religious zealots of our time, regardless of which belief (pick one, for there are many) they profess to be the “truth”, are as manipulative of their followers as those who went before them. It never ceases to amaze me how the smallest seed of truth can be twisted into the largest, and most deadly, lies. As Jesus said, “Beware of the scribes, who desire to go around in long robes, love greetings in the marketplaces, the best seats in the synagogues, and the best places at feasts, who devour widows’ houses, and for a pretense make long prayers. These will receive greater condemnation.”
I realize this post was intended to be humorous and/or sarcastic, and that my comment has been long and perhaps disconnected from that aspect. For that I apologize. If the article you’ve linked is correct, then I rest assured that my white skin and father status will get me up the staircase! Otherwise, I’ll see you at the barbeque!
Thank for this excellent comment. I especially like the bible verses you quoted which contradict the sites I have read. You really need to read èverything, not just the bits that support your theory!
Although I am not yet that old I have already lived through the ”end of days” three times, and I fully expect to survive this one too.
Ha..cute picture! 😀
You really think this is a cute picture?
Not smug, selfsatisfied, racist, and insane?
Not to mention scary? In ”Night of the Living Dead” everybody ran away from the corpses digging themselves out of the ground!!!
But then this picture was constructed before that brilliant movie… What did they know…
Cute in the nice-addition-to-this-post kind of way. Sorry.
Oh good, that’s a relief! You were scaring me a bit!
However, you can see my new plans on the next post…
I have 3 surgeries scheduled for May23rd.. are you telling me i might quite possibly have a day off !!!!!!
Also if there’s going to be fire and brimstone on 21st then sat night and sun 22nd me and F are guaranteed to get paged. and we had plans to go for dinner with my Son ( on his $$$$) dang!!! life is so unfair.
Radha, there’s good news and there is bad news. The good news is that the fire and brimstone is scheduled for October 17. (I am now thinking of planning the wedding on the 18th)
The bad news is that I don’t really think people like us will be lifted up to heaven. And looking at the people who are quite sure of being amongst the chosen ones I think that is actually very good news, because it looks like a really dull party. But the bad part is that we have to keep on cleaning and doing laundry until October the 17th. Unless incommoded by all the torture we can apparently expect.
Although I am not so sure that the actual cleaning and laundry isn’t torture so maybe we are already suffering and it will just continue this way until the 17th.
“As this picture proves you will have to be white, Christian, and I strongly suggest you visit the hairdresser on Friday, to qualify for ascending to heaven. The angels are also white and have really neat hairdos. It seems very important to be married, and to have two or more children.”
And also be dead? [g]
Well, son and I are going to help install park benches in our local park – http://www.arnospark.org.uk/ – then go to see some amazing art at a local gallery – http://www.grantbradleygallery.co.uk/ryokooikawa.html – on Saturday. Much more fun than this ‘rapture’ nonsense!
If you think I am writing nonsense then why read it and even go through all the trouble of commenting?
Of course I am writing nonsense.
Enjoy!
😈
Did you notice the people rising from their graves in the picture? Nice to know we will rise up being young and well dressed 🙂
But I don’t want to rise up as a child! I’ve been trough that already!