This is an important post, I lost my parents in a plane crash, and a few months ago I lost my brother. And while you are dying inside and hurting you have to think about the ”disposal” and what your loved ones would have wanted. I want to spare whoever gets the task of getting rid of my body the odious mulling over what I would have wanted.
I am going to describe in detail what to do with my remains and the party after, and I am doing it here on my Clouddragon blog so it will be available, probably for nigh on eternity, and easily accessible for everybody.
My most beloved human is the Q, he inherits my earthly goods, and as he is totally uninterested in my ”stuff” (antiques, books and collections) My friend Ruth gets the task of sharing them out. So anybody interested in some of my ”stuff” can put a petition to Ruth after I am dead.
No embalming if I die in America! It’s bad for the environment and a way of stealing more money from the survivors for something totally useless! I would like to wear something quite spectacular, and have glorious hair. If I have foreseen my demise I might have some nice painted coffin prepared, if not I want the simplest, honest wood, no shiny fake satin etc. coffin. If any artist feels the urge to paint on it, knock yourself out, but you have only a few days to do it.
I want to be buried in a nice place, with lots of trees, and where you don’t get dug up again. Something like ”De natuur begraafplaats” in the Netherlands. And as I won’t be dug up, I have another request of those who do the last honors, I want you to secretly sneak in a lot of stuff, jewelry, statues, made of stone porcelain and metal. You see, I think that we are being very inconsiderate towards future archaeologists, and I want to leave something fun to be excavated in 2000 years.
The before party:
I will be dead so I will be fine, in time every part of me will return to the stardust of which I am made, so don’t worry about me. But I hope and expect that there will be some people who will be really depressed that I am gone. So this party is for you (except the music). Everybody can write something and give a speech. My sisters do not get to organize this btw. Make sure they don’t, they can come but they are not allowed to butt in anywhere. Lots of flowers are welcome.
There’s lots of music in Dutch funerals and I want to make sure it’s the right music. My music. No matter how much suffering it will produce. I will not sink to the depth of Vogon poetry. (this is preliminary, I might change the selection a lot)
- Mozart’s requiem
- Iron Maiden
- Sarah Vaughan
- King Diamond, Abigail
Dumping the coffin in the grave:
Please don’t make a lot of fuss about this, especially when it’s cold or raining, just dump it in the hole, get some earth on top of it, and move on to:
The after party:
For the after party I am thinking a nice buffet, lots of amuses, or a barbecue. Good food, because this is the last party I am throwing. I will try and leave enough money to organize this. And of course some super desserts and lots of chocolate (Green & Blacks organic, only medicinal quality chocolate please) and chocolate cake. Lots of nice drinks and fresh fruit- and vegetable juices.
Music can be more attuned to creature comforts. Nice seating everywhere so people can sit down with their food and reminisce about how lovely I was and how terribly sad it is that I am gone.
Make sure you get a nice venue where there’s no time limit like they have in these boring funeral parlors.
Either something superbly elegant, or totally magical, or the Gothic Dracula’s castle idea. Feel free to choose something cool.
If we aren’t too old we could end up with a disco party, although I think a solid zimmer frame gets you a long way so that should be no excuse.
I expect my friends and loved ones to send me off with a bang!
PS, I am really serious, this really is the blueprint for the death-party after my demise and I expect my friends and family to abide with this.