Use your Pet for Finding a Mate

31 07 2008

This post is inspired by a shocking news flash on American Bedu’s blog!
It seems that the misogynist anti-fun nutters in KSA have finally hit the mark:

”Basically the yahoo news-link advises that the Kingdom has placed a ban on selling cats or dogs as pets in pet shops because some men are using these pets to attract women.”

What can I say? Of course this time they have finally hit the mark. (This news installed a whole new meaning into my head for the word Yahoo-news ) Not only is a pet good for you, and good for your ability to get yourself into perspective, (nothing will make clear to you your insignificance in the universe as serving a pet does), pets are a great way to make new friends!
And that, is just sรณ wrong!
Not only do you get to know more people, you might even attract persons of the ”other sex” !!!!!

So especially for those unlucky people stuck in a place where pets are going to be forbidden, here is a crash course in how to use pets for maximum result.
According to ”Arab news” its allready too late: the ban is in place.

Why does the ”Pet-Thing” work? Apparently humans, and other animals, are programmed to go all ”Aaaaahhhhh, Cuuuute” when confronted by small fluffy little cute harmless somethings looking into our eyes.
So use that programming and get your pet home before it’s too late!
And of course for everybody else bend on some really scintillating, steaming, hot, sexy, romantic encounters: Read This!

Choosing your pet

I cannot stress the importance of this! Your succes will stand or fall by the choice of pet. While it is true that, for example, a giant tarantula,
is both unusual and will definitely attract attention,
It may not be quite what you had in mind, and will in all probability not attract the mate of your choice….

When it comes to acquiring that mate-attracting-pet there are three rules to keep in mind:

  • small
  • cuddly/hairy/feathery
  • sweet chirruppy noises

Of course the most suitable pet for mega-caress-ability-coefficient-efficiency is the Tribble, hard to resist even by a cold-blooded half-Vulcan like mr Spock:

But it’s hard to get one on earth. The closest relative to the Tribble on this planet, is the Fluffy Rabbit.

If you want to have a more predatory pet, I’d look for:
Cuddly Dog

Or Cute Kitten:

When you’ve chosen your pet, take it out! Be seen with it! Make sure to take a lot of time and effort looking after it, grooming it, and gaining it’s affection. It is vitally important that your pet loves you as no other. Otherwise you will fall into two important snags: 1- your aimed at lovely will only mind your pet and not see you at all!
Or: 2- Your pet will choose to switch personnel owner and decide to move into somebody else’s leaving you at the doorstep.
Never forget: the goal is: when noticing how the cute pet has only eyes for you: the lovely of your choice, will also start to look at you!
And, because your pet loves you: you must be really something, and he/she will start his/her first glance in a very positive way!
If you are really lucky they may decide to want to divert your attention from your pet to themselves!

In that case I’d order the wedding-cake: Succes is assured!!!

I hope to have cleared some misunderstandings about Pet-use-for-mating, and I want to finish, with myself as an example. While fully supplied and occupied by several pets of my own, I still have a Serious Crush on my beloved, and adored Checkers!

And that’s only per internet! Just to show how effective a well-chosen pet can be!

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44 responses

31 07 2008
Tony

A life without a pet sucks big time…
As far as the opposite sex, there’s the old song “Love me love my dog”
We ot photo’s today from the breeder of our new poodle puppy, will post on the weekend. won’t get her till about another month as she’s only 4 weeks old so far, we can’t wait. Still miss Missy-Moo badly
Catch me on my Blogspot trial Blog
http://ynot60.blogspot.com

31 07 2008
AbuSinan

Too funny! These guys are really idiots.

I was going to get a bit nasty, but I thought better. Did you ever watch the British comedy “Are You Being Served” where Mrs Slocomb is always talking about “petting her pussy(cat)”?

Various come on lines that Saudi men could use with their cat to try and seduce women came to mind.

31 07 2008
Aafke

Tony, how exciting!
And very wise of you and the missus, to go for a new compagnion!
I have commented on your umptiest blog haven’t I? I have resigned to just follow you about in blogsphere…. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

31 07 2008
Aafke

Snort! AubuSinan! Mrs Slocomb and her pussy!!!!!
Please get nasty! Everybody here is always so nice and polite!

31 07 2008
Colloquielle

I had “Love me, love my horses”, “I get a kick out of horses” and “Eventers do it three days running” bumper stickers on my van back home ๐Ÿ˜€

Seriously though – no pets?! How would people cope?!

(I had to get my cat clipped yesterday as she was so matted from being a stray for so long – this is what she looks like now: http://farm3.static.flickr.com/2260/2718685701_cef306f250.jpg?v=0 – she is so cranky because every time I see her I burst out laughing. Notice how she’s poking her tongue out at me?!)

31 07 2008
goodbear

for my birthday about ten years ago, a friend gave me a dog leash that had huge letters embroidered on it that said, “MY MOMMY IS SINGLE”. i’ve since passed it on to someone else…

31 07 2008
Mezba

Maybe they want Saudi to become a Planet of the Apes.

Figures… it seems to be run by ….

31 07 2008
AbuSinan

Okay, you asked for it. The come on line that first came to mind was:

“Come here and pet my pussy so I can pet yours”.

LOL!

31 07 2008
Aafke

Colloquielle! You have as website? Give me the password!!!!
I get lots of kick from horses! I have a T-shirt, Instant trouble, just add rider!

I loove your cat!

Goodbear, you should have sent that leash to me!

Mezba, Snort! hahahahaaaa!!!

AbuSinan: take your pick! Thereยดs Kira, Simsalabim, and Ishtar! They all love to be petted!
Sorry Abu: You’re still not obnoxious enough for a Trash-page! ๐Ÿ™‚

31 07 2008
delhi4cats

I’m still in shock and worried about all the lovely pets now at the various pet stores and what will be their disposition? It just seems to me that it is the religious police who cannot seem to get SEX off their minds and now they are equating SEX with walking a dog?!

31 07 2008
Checkers

You’re the best, Aafke!

1 08 2008
Haleem

I think more muslims should be outraged and protest against this silliness in the land of the Sauds than people calling for the execution of a woman who named a teddy bear Mohammad.

Sometimes I wish I could just take a sword and cut off these guy’s balls.

1 08 2008
delhi4cats

I’ve got it….Let’s start a petition to make the Muttawa’s pets and walk with them on a leash….

1 08 2008
Specs

WoW, these Saudis come up with the weirdest things on the planet.

Dogs and cats as pick-up lines? *snicker* Let this news get out more…I’ll be running a thriving business outside singles bars giving poodles and cute kittens for hire.

1 08 2008
Aafke

Sorry, Delhi-4-cats, you were in spam! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ
Yeah, making fun of it is all very nice, but I ร m worried about all the sweet animals, and I was also thinking about dr M.
Yes, they only think about sex.
That is their whole problem! Even if they are caught with 6 wives!
It’s still not enough, apparently 6 wives aren’t enough to keep their limited brains busy.

You’re the cutest Checkers! โค

Haleem: Thanks for putting this mindboggingly stupid idea into perspective!
Actually it wasn’t the teacher anyway; the (islamic) students choose the name.

Delhi: ”Muttawa pets” … Great plan, but fraught with difficulties! Imagine the sheer enormity of this monumental undertaking!
1- They have to be caught
2- They have to be cleaned, trimmed (especially the scruffy beards)
3- they will have to be house-trained (not easy: calls for rudimentary intelligence)
4- all muttawa will have to be neutered ( :mrgreen: )
5- you will have to find foster-families willing to take them in. ???????? How are you going to get that done?????

Specks: Great idea! Cuddly pets for hire!!!! Excellent!!!!

1 08 2008
jamesviscosi

No pets and no beer make Homer something something …….

1 08 2008
Aafke

Makes homer go queer….

Pets are much more essential than beer though…

1 08 2008
Rhysz

There is no substitute for beer!

1 08 2008
Aafke

Said Rhysz with a leer!

Alcohol is evil!!!

Makes you wriggle like a weavil

See the world all wonky,

Makes you stupid like a donkey!

1 08 2008
Colloquielle

Pets beat beer every time, crazy Rhysz ๐Ÿ˜› Especially since I hate beer and like cider instead ๐Ÿ˜‰

1 08 2008
Shahrzad

Off topic comment i assume.. Your post is fun. But reminded me of a very very bitter report, once i wrote about a prostitute in Tehran, who allowed to have sex with a big dog of a foreigner diplomat in embassy of one of European countries in Tehran. They said her that male dog was so wild and no female dog had dared to get closed to him and so he was so depressed!!!

That prostitute did it for some dollars, but had to pay all that money for her medicine and finally she lost ability of getting pregnant forever..

1 08 2008
Aafke

Shaz! What an awful disgusting story? Men are sick beasts! Something like this makes me think we should get rid of all men!

1 08 2008
Shahrzad

“ALL” men you mean again?! I dont think so. ๐Ÿ˜€

1 08 2008
Nevis

Checkers is adorable, but I love my Napoleon!

1 08 2008
Aafke

Shaz: we’ll leave one or two, You know which ones!

Nevis: I love Zora the most!

2 08 2008
Tony

Don’t need to follow me anywhere except WordPress, something went very wrong with my Blogger trial blog & it pissed me off big time….

2 08 2008
Tony

P.S. Men are sick beasts????
Get rid of ALL men???
It was the woman that did it with the dog, how sick is that???

2 08 2008
Aafke

I don’t agree Tony, in a world completely dominated by men, where men globally hold 98% of the money available, where women are pressured from baby onwards that they are less than men, where women have no financial independance, are seen as less than seconrate, and are made to feel so all the time! where many children are abused at a young age thereby destroying a part of their personality (we don’t know the background of this victim, nor the pressures she had to endure) I think I prefer to lay รกll the blame to the persons whose idea it was, who are in power, and who find pleasure in abusing their power.
And make no mistake; dogs do not normally dรณ anything with humans, only if they are deliberately trained to do so. Trained by the men. Men suck!

The subject makes me sick to think of, I find it a blot on my blog, and I don’t want to talk about it anymore. So don’t keep this discussion up.

2 08 2008
Shahrzad

Sorry Aafke. At the moment i just what i felt. Now i think it’s not proper for your post at all. You’re allowed to delete my comment if you want.
Dont think about men. Actually there are many male and female devils in the world. At the moment there are many angelic ones. Come we just focus on those angels..

3 08 2008
Colloquielle

Heheh Rhysz sent me back here “because the feminist argument has gone crazy!” – I think he was hoping I’d leap in with both feet ๐Ÿ˜‰

3 08 2008
tina

Aafke,

Please don’t take offense but I don’t like your new background. The print is too small and I have a hard time reading it. This coming from someone who can’t see 2 feet in front of her face without her glasses!!!
Anyway, just wondering, exactly, how many Saudis are walking their cats and rabbits in the Kingdom? I always walked my dogs but never my cats! Perhaps I should have given it a try! ; )

3 08 2008
Aafke

Yes Shahrzad! We’ll focus on the angels! ๐Ÿ™‚

Colloquielle, that’s right, don’t respond. Any further comments will be deleted anyway.

Tina, I would never take offence at such a complaint! Very evil of me to change it into such a black page, but I felt a bit depressed yesterday and played with my theme a bit.
It happens.

3 08 2008
tina

Oh, Thank you Aafke, I can see!!! This one is more cheery!

3 08 2008
Aafke

You are evry welcome Tina!

Just need to share this:
Tonight I wanted to make tuna-salad for dinner and couldn’t find my tuna. So I went to get some chips for dinner, with Zora. While I was waiting for my order Zora slumped down at my feet, and a tall handsome guy started petting her. Zora rolled on her back shamelessly flirting with the bloke . No modesty. The bloke started to rub her tummy and then looked up and started asking me about her.
As he went he came back to me, knocked on the table to get my attention (I was reading a comic), and bid me farewell! ๐Ÿ™‚
I could have made use of Zora to strike up an aquaintance! ๐Ÿ˜€
It’s brilliant to own a dog!!!

3 08 2008
Tony

OOPS…
No offence was intended, just how I saw it at the time.
This world is full of sick sex perverts of all kinds (Men & Women) & they disgust me too,
But surely it’s rather unfair to blame it on ALL men….

4 08 2008
Saudi in US

Aafke,

“4- all muttawa will have to be neutered ”

You are a genius. We cutoff their gene pool and Saudi will be a decent place in 30 years. Darwinism at its best!!!

4 08 2008
Tony McG

P.S. If you got rid of ALL men there would be no cute ones like me around to make the Blogosphere a happy place ๐Ÿ™‚

4 08 2008
Checkers

Hi Aafke! I changed my header today and I think it accentuates my muzzle quite well. I hope you approve!

4 08 2008
Aafke

Saudi in US: but incase they’ve allready bred, the offspring should be monitored carefully. Just in case… But they deserve their own chance.

Tony: i’m ready to make a few exceptions, and as I have given up killiong you you are one of the lucky ones! :mrgreen:

Checkers: I loved your old header very much, It showed off your beautiful ears, and adorable nose so much. But I must confess, the new one is brilliant!!!!

6 08 2008
Viking Daughter

Aafke, I love the adorable bunny. Don’t worry about the pets in Saudi, they can send them next door to Kuwait.

I hate to brag, but we even have cat hoodies for sale at the Vets office and tons of kitty food, dog food, toys, beds, you name it.

Oh, and you’d be happy to know we have a hunting and equestrian club for horse lovers.

6 08 2008
Aafke

Viking Daughter, I always used to have very tame bunnys for a pet, but they had to go when my parent’s dogs and cats came to loive with me, they would not have been safe. Hurt me very much to let them go.

I am happy to know you have equestrian clubs ๐Ÿ˜€ I will have to add K]Kuwait to my tour of the Middle East. ๐Ÿ˜€

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